Where to Go from Here

Newbie at single parenting

“This is not where I saw my life being”

September 2017

I began a new chapter of my life. I had recently told my then husband I wanted a divorce and we had began the process. The words were heavy to say and I was so unsure of the future for myself and my three children. At the time my children were only 1 1/2, 3 1/2, and 5. Three children 5 and under and I had been a stay at home mom always until about 3 months ago. Even then I was working very part time. My goal for myself after this divorce was to give my children the best life I possibly could. I would do whatever it took to not let this divorce affect them negatively. I wanted my children to succeed. And as important as succeeding financially as an adult is to most my idea of success that I wanted for them was more. I wanted them to have successful relationships with friends and family, to have a love for God and for their beliefs to guide them, success in having a heart that stays soft no matter what life throws at them, to be a true lady/gentleman, to value and respect others no matter their social status, to love themselves, and success in love. To know that they can and will find a love that is forever lasting. One that is supportive and can be your best friend. I knew if they had these qualities and views instilled in them then the money would come. Because when you are a passionate person and have deep rooted values working hard is all you know, being fair is what you do, trying your best because you wouldn't give anything less, and knowing yourself you will end up doing what you love. These were my goals and believe me it felt heavy on my shoulders. I came to a guest room at my moms with three children and a few belongings. Thankfully I come from a loving family. One where I knew we always would have a home. I know my story isn't different from most that have walked this path. We tried to find a rhythm. The first few months was a blur. I remember trying to make everyday with them fun and exciting and still trying to do the home life from a new place with all of us in a guest room. Then the days without them I cried pretty much the whole time. I felt like I didn't belong anywhere. My place had always been where my children were and now they aren't here, so what is my place?

January 2018

“No job, no money, what can happen next?"

Here it is a new year and the divorce isn't finalized yet, but its getting close. My work schedule has been very limited due to the parenting schedule, so I have only been able to work weekends. I have taken on half the debt from the divorce and just had our first Christmas. Money is getting tight and I have to figure out childcare and getting a fulltime job. I have visited this options since September but two things kept me from hardcore pursuing it. The first its so expensive having three children in childcare. By the time I pay childcare my take home is about the same as when I work every weekend when I don't have the kids. The other is my time with the children. My oldest is in Kindergarten and the two younger ones I need more time with them. My son had me at home til he began big school, but my girls its just a matter of time where they will go to daycare. I'm soaking it all in. Well the curve ball just came in. My ex is going out of town for a few weeks and I have no one to help or watch the children on his days aka my work days. My part time job says you have to figure out a way to make your shifts. I am able to do two shifts but the others I have no one to watch the kids. I had to quit my job. Now what to do? No job? No financial help? No child support yet since divorce isn't final and bills are still coming. I pray. Then I remember I need to take my middle child to sign up for pre k. Its the same school as where my son went the year before. This school is actually the school I worked at right out of high school. Coincidentally the exact place I worked the year I met their father. I had always loved that school and the management. The same lady was there when I worked when my son began school. So here we are a full circle. As I signed my daughter up and caught up on life with the director I mentioned how I didn't have a job and that I was on the hunt for one. Well God answered my prayer before 24 hours of praying to him. She offered me a job and free childcare. It was a blessing! To be able to work and be in the same building as my children. Thank you God.

Things are starting to look up!

I was able to start work the following Tuesday. The next day when I picked my son up from car pool he asked me a question. "Mommy, why is babo (nickname for dad) on a trip without us?" Right then I felt it. The first of many to come changes after divorce that would affect my children. I explained that he needed to go visit some family and he was taking a trip and that we were going to do a little trip as well. Now mind you I completely came up with this on the spot and had no idea what kind of trip we were doing. When we got home I began searching on the internet family fun trips, local trips, cheap trips. Then like a light bulb I said we need to smile. This week started of no job, no money, and lots of uncertainties. Where is the happiest place for kids? Disney I said. We are going to Disney! I pulled out the card that had some availability left on it and booked it for today! We are going to Disney today right now. I told the kids and they were beyond excited none of us had ever been including me. I began packing them up and around 5 pm we were in the car and driving to Disney.