Letting Go and Healing

We all have entered this season in life. The one where it is difficult to let go of something or someone. I have learned about myself that I try to keep busy, find a new distraction, hobby anything to prolong the inevitable process of acknowledging the end of something. Then one day when I actually slow down and I'm alone spotify makes sure to play that song. Next thing I know I'm crying. You know that quiet one where the tears roll down your checks and you don't make a sound. It was one of those. I see him standing there in front of me. I see him singing that song and my heart aches because I know I will never really see him singing it to me again. He wont give me that look and tilt his head to the side when he leans down to sing. He really is gone. There is no more we or us. Its just me. Holding on to the memories and some hope in my head. Hope that the last time I saw him wouldn't be the last. That we just needed some time apart to realize that we really belonged together. After that night of crying I realized that I am not ok. That while staying busy not to feel the pain that he is gone I had been holding my breath. I kept seeing him in so many situations where he would come back to me. He would stop by and hug me and say I cant be away from you anymore and I miss you. I hadn't been able to really breath since he left. Now I'm breathing because I'm letting the hurt out, letting the pain out, and slowly letting go of the ideas of the could haves that I had when we were together. Those possibilities affected my emotions just as much as our actual memories. I'm now full fledge in the process of letting go. It's so hard yet so necessary. I can't let my overthinking and the memories consume my thoughts because when I do I'm stuck in a state of sadness and grief. I have ripped off the band aid. What? I know hang in there with me. Its like when I go for a jog and trip on something. I scrape my knee and throw a band aid on it and keep jogging like nothing happened. We put a band aid on to protect the wound and also to cover it up so we don't see it. In hopes that over time when the band aid falls off the wound would be healed. Some wounds are cut deep and need attention. We need to see how deep the cut is, the mark it left, and how it might take longer to heal than we think. Seeing the wound and acknowledging it is important for the process of healing. There is pain in healing but after the pain there is a new perspective, different opportunities, and self growth. So right now with me I want you to breathe and feel your body with every breath. Is there any pain, numbness, or stiffness? Are you holding on to something you need to let go? Today I am choosing to let go. Not because I want to but because there is nothing left to hold on to. The desire to be together is only felt by me right now. So I am going to close our chapter. My love will remain but my mind wont take me to a place that only brings me sadness. The what ifs for us have to leave and make room for what can be for just me. The healing process. Don't let yourself get pulled into dating before your heart is ready. Your mind is so smart. It knows what hurt you in the last relationship and it will try to find someone that will fill that hole. And as smart as the mind is that next person might not have the same qualities that were insecurities like the last relationship. Your mind will say see you are ok, this is better, and now you don't have to worry about those things. Oh but the heart you can't fool the heart. It doesn't matter how different or similar that person is to the last the heart tells the whole body how to feel about it. And when the heart isn't ready it won't allow you to truly open up and feel for the new person. So take time. Be patient. Let your heart heal. A rebound relationship will not fix your heart it will just distract your mind. Now is your time where you don't have to think about two people. You get to focus on you. Your personal goals, close relationships with friends, your family, mental health and physical healthy. You get to begin the most loving relationship right now and that begins with loving yourself fully. Get to know yourself and where you want to go in this life. Once you begin loving you, you will see all that has happened to you with different eyes. That it took you letting go of someone to find yourself.